Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
