I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Randomize
