1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
with your own penis?
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
