Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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