my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
