i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
