Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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