So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
