The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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