i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
