Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I checked into jail on foursquare
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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