I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
