dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
