if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
