i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
