The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
