i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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