He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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