im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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