Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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