so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
We have started to decorate penises.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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