i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
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