Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
