Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
