I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
