Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize