whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital