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My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
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