hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
