what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.