the new term for farting is butt boxing.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.