it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.