Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back