Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
