My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
