I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
you didnt know i had herpes?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
