you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
