She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
