This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
