Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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