Can i not drive my cunt home
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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