You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
