I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
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