I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I am midnight drunk by noon
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Randomize
