She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
