i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
