my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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