I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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