I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
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i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
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Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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