after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
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I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
We have started to decorate penises.
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Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
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