Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Randomize
