I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
