Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
