"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Randomize
