bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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