He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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