So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
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Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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