he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
