you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
