Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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