I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
