what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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