spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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