I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
