I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
