porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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