I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I just want nice things and good sex
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
