I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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