i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
