I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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