Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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