No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
