So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
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WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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