feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
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His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
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So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos