Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks