my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend